


Raise a Glass to Who We Used to Be

by duoasf



Category: Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
Genre: Affairs, After ddadds storyline, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Animal Shelter, Cleaning, Divorce, F/M, Fresh Start, Love, M/M, Making up for the unsatisfying ending they got, MaryPOV, Moving, New York, Toxic Relationship, Virtues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2018-12-27 08:17:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12077172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duoasf/pseuds/duoasf
Summary: After Joseph spent another night on his Yacht with some guy Mary sits him down to talk things out. She doesn't want to be lied to anymore and wants them to figure out if they can safe their marraige or if he went too far this time. In the aftermath of their fight Mary realizes that her life isn't what she wanted it to be and tries to find herself and help her friend Robert with his issues along the way. There are choices to be made and not all of them are easy.DDADDS gave us an unsatisfying ending for Joseph and Mary who deserve a more realistic happy ending and more closure. In this, Joseph has had multiple affairs with unknown men like the dadsona but most frequently with Robert.





	1. Prudentia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unrelated to the story, but I just found out that Amanda's birthday is the same date mcr broke up and I don't mean to break your heart but we know she used to love mcr and just imagine 14 year old, emotionally unstable Amanda's favourite band breaking up on her birthday.

# Prudentia

The sun had already set over the Maple Bay cul-de-sac when Mary sits down by the kitchen table and pours herself another glass of wine.  
“Where do we even start?” she asks and takes a sip. She is not mad, she used to be but she has given up on it years ago. Her husband Joseph, however seems to become increasingly nervous as he stands by the stove and continuously taps his foot on the floor.

“I want to make this work, you know. When I married you I promised to be there for you, I promised it to you and to God. And I do, please tell me how to make it up to you, how to be a good husband again.”

Mary gives him a pitying smile. “Big words, my friend, but I think we are way past that, don’t you? We both haven’t been true to each other, just look at us! You insisted on giving all our children names related to Christ because you think it will make you a better Christian. You didn’t really care for my opinion then and you still don’t care now.” Her voice trembles but Mary is determined not to break out. She has cried herself to sleep one too many nights and she’s had enough wine to numb her rage. This is not about her anymore, maybe it never was.

“Don’t bring our kids into this, we agreed on the names and you can turn that against me!” Tears rush to Joseph’s eyes and he tries his best not to cry. When he talks to other couples who come to him for counselling he always remains calm and has no problem recognizing and solving their problems, but when it’s about his own marriage his mind is foggy and he can’t seem to focus on the issues.

“That’s not the point now, is it? This is about the way you treat people, how you don’t care about anyone else but yourself and then preach the lord’s word of mercy and compassion and yet it seems to go right past you. I don’t think I can do this anymore, Joseph, you are supposed to support me and make me a better person but the only thing I feel when I’m around you lately is that I need more wine to keep calm.” Mary tops her glass off again. The kitchen is silent for a moment except for the ticking of the clock on the wall. The kids are already in bed but it is just a matter of time until Chrish will start screaming again. It is as if the whole universe were frozen by the tension between the couple.

“Don’t you want us to work together? Don’t you remember our wedding day? How beautiful you looked. We talked about running away together, away from our families and start all over again on a tropical island. Maybe we should go on vacation sometime, what do you think? We could leave the kids with some friends and go on that honeymoon we couldn’t have because we needed all our money for a house.” Joseph’s smiles as he fantasizes about all the things he wanted as a young man but couldn’t have.

“Did you ever love me?” Mary asks, “Did you really love me when you married me or did you love the idea of living the life that would make your father proud?”

Joseph doesn’t respond and it is silent again. The ticking of the clock seems deafeningly loud and seconds feel like hours. Mary holds back tears and traces the floral pattern on the wallpaper trying not to lose her temper. Joseph had picked it when they renovated the kitchen and she never really liked it, but in a way it represented his positivity that she fell in love with. The man who enthusiastically talked her into getting the tacky wallpaper seems so distant that she isn’t sure if Joseph really used to be that guy or if it’s just a romanticized image she created in her head on all those nights when he was out and she had to look after the kids alone.

“Did you marry me so we could be Mary and Joseph, so you could have a perfect little family to show to those couples who come in for marriage counselling? Or to prove to your dad or maybe even yourself how straight you are?” Mary’s voice was no longer calm but she nearly hissed the last words at him. “Because I wish I could claim god as the true father of my children, then they at least wouldn’t inherit your awful personality!”

Joseph finally breaks his silence. “Please, don’t be blasphemous…”

Mary is now almost yelling at him, all the pain and anger that she had bottled up suddenly came back: “Don’t you dare telling me about blasphemy! You shall not commit adultery, what about that? Or you shall not bear false witness against your neighbour! You left me alone, Joseph, on the night the twins were born you left me alone to fuck Robert! He told me about it.” She covers her face with her hands before she gets up from her chair and walks to the window opposite from where Joseph is standing. All the excuses and all the reasons she had gathered for Joseph’s misbehaviour are washed away and her anger fades. 

“You don’t deserve my tears; if anything you deserve my pity. You never figured out what you want and you spent the better part of your life being someone you thought your dad or God would like, now here’s a newsflash: Your father died so you can do all you want, he won’t be proud or disappointed anymore and God, if we still want to believe in him, created you to be truthful and kind to yourself and others and so far I don’t see you doing a very good job at that.” 

They have had talks like this before. Every time Mary caught Joseph cheating or he confessed to her in his own messed up way of clearing his record the talked about their relationship and every time Joseph brings up the kids or God or that honeymoon they never went on and until now Mary always agreed to stay together. She thought maybe the kids would have a better future if they could see their parent support each other and every time she had that little spark of hope that he may be truthful this time, that he might actually mean it and they could be like they used to when they were young. But they only got married because he got her pregnant and because it seemed shameful to have an illegitimate child. But Mary doesn’t want to play this game anymore. She could do better than him and the kids would be better off being taught that there is no shame in ending a toxic relationship than to hold on to it because of outdated moral standards.

Joseph finally breaks the silence with a silent sob. He knows that she’s right but this life is the only thing that he has known. For all these years he has been living with secrets that he vowed to take to his grave but that is not the way life works. Mary did not deserve to waste her youth on him.

“I can’t just throw this away. Us, the kids, my job… I have loved you, Mary, for all these years you were the only one I could trust. It was almost nice to know that you knew about my affairs, so I wouldn’t have to bottle it all up, the guilt and the anger. But you never deserved this… me. So... so is this it?” At that exact moment, as if he knew, Crish starts screaming. Neither of them feels like checking up on him but Mary stands up.

“You know what? I will not deal with this anymore. You’ve had fun on the yacht and left me with the kids so often, I deserve to leave you this time. I’ll stay with Damien until we figure something out. Until then I’ll give you some time to make up for all those years.” Mary leaves before Joseph could say anything. She would pack a bag tomorrow but for now she just walks across the street to Damien’s manor, knowing that her friend always has a place for her to stay and clothes for her to borrow. She is smiling and he feels like all the anger and despair of the last years has passed and for the first time in years she doesn’t feel like drowning her feelings at Jim and Kim’s.


	2. Justitia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After her fight with Joseph, Mary wakes up at Damien's place. She is determined to make the best of this first day of the rest of her life.

# Justitia

Mary wakes up to the smell of clean sheets and old wood. The peaceful silence seems so unfamiliar that she closes her eyes again hoping that this may be a dream that never ends. But when Damien enters the room with a cheerful “Good morning!” and Mary begins to remember last night.

“Good morning, Damien. Thank you for letting me crash.” She gives him a tired smile and walks over to the closet in the guest room that she left some of her clothes in for all those nights when Damien had to pick her up from Jim and Kim’s and she didn’t want to face her husband just yet.

“No Problem, not to be insensitive but I’m happy for you. Feel free to stay for as long as you like; this room is all yours.” Damien and Mary have been working together at the animal shelter for so long that it seemed unnatural for him to speak in Victorian dialect to her. To everybody else he felt the need to keep his persona up constantly but with her he was comfortable enough to also wear his modern clothes. It was nice to know that he could wear his Goth clothes and she would know it’s genuine just as much as when he doesn’t, with most other people he felt like an inconsistent fake and he’s had his fair share of people telling him that this is just a phase he could grow out of.

“I’ll make you something to eat, come downstairs whenever you feel like it.” With that Damien walks out of the door and leaves Mary alone once again. In the closet she finds a couple of skirts and sweaters in black and grey tones, but they all don’t feel appropriate anymore. Today is the first day of the rest of her life and Mary has always believed in the power of new outfits, at least she used to. It feels as if for all those years she had been married to Joseph she had only worn the same outfit and the same hairstyle every day. Maybe this was her way of trying to be the woman he married, the woman he loved so maybe he would love her once again. But maybe he never really loved her in the first place; maybe he just loved the idea of her.

Mary puts on a pair of Damien’s old cord pants, since he keeps some of his old clothes that he no longer wears but still likes too much as to give them away in the antique Mahogany wardrobe. She likes wearing other people’s clothes, they tell so much about that person and their character and by wearing them she feels more comfortable, maybe it’s because of the years she spent in her brother’s hand-me-downs although she used to hate it then. 

When she walks downstairs, the kitchen smells like bacon and coffee. Damien has set the table with breakfast un-appropriate china and candles, which makes Mary smile. How long has it been since she has had the time to have an elaborate breakfast? 

“What’s with the bacon?” Mary asks hinting to the sizzling pan.

“One of the advantages of living in this era are the wonderful vegetarian alternatives to meat that taste just as good.” 

They have breakfast together and don’t talk about last night anymore. Mary must have looked awful when she showed up at his front door at that time. They talked for hours until Mary didn’t feel too upset to sleep anymore. I was nice to let it all out after so many years of putting on a smile and playing the happy little wife.

Damien knew about Joseph’s affairs already, Mary had told him on some drunk nights when he picked her up from the bar. Some nights the bartender even escorted her to his house instead of her own, when they felt like she has had an especially bad night and thought she needed some distance from home. In a way, everybody in town knew or at least suspected that their marriage was falling apart.  
It is a Sunday and like every day somebody had to go to the shelter, to check up on the animals. He usually doesn’t mind but this today he feels uncomfortable leaving Mary alone.

“I have the weekend shifts but I’m sure I can find someone else to take it if you want me to stay with you.” Damien gives her a smile while he clears the table.

“Don’t worry Dame, I’m a big girl.” Mary doesn’t feel as vulnerable anymore as she did yesterday, she has some things to figure out and part of her actually feels very excited for this new life that can be everything but doesn’t have to be anything. 

“Of course you are. I’ll be gone for a few hours. Lucien is out with his friends and he might come home anytime, but I’m sure you can deal with him. Take care, and if you need anything, just give me a call.” Mary feels good to know that someone genuinely cares for her. But she wasn’t going to stand by one of Damien’s large windows and longingly gaze out, anticipating the return of her suitor.

After Damien hat left, Mary put on her coat and walked outside. Joseph would usually be in church this time of the day, but knowing him he may just as well be on the yacht sipping margaritas. Regardless, Mary wants to check if the kids are fine. She never left them alone with Joseph for long; she doubted that he could even handle four kids. And if she’s already there she can also grab some of her things to take to Damien’s.

The door isn’t unlocked, it never is because Joseph believes that the lord would protect their house which probably wouldn’t be a good excuse to any insurance firm in case they would get robbed but Mary never bothered to argue with him. The house seems silent and the familiar smell of ocean breeze air freshener almost makes her feel sick. The silence is almost suspicious after the chaos she imagined leaving Joseph alone with the kids would create.

Mary walks through the living room into the kitchen were at first she doesn’t notice the figure sitting at the table on the exact same spot she sat last night. Only on her way out she sees Robert silently sipping on a glass of Whiskey. He doesn’t react to her. In fact, he seems to look right through her.

“Where is he? Where are my kids?” Mary asks calmly. She has seen him like this before. Actually, she has hardly seen him in another state. Maybe Joseph hurt him even more than he hurt her.  
“Church” he says with a blank expression. 

“Listen Robert, I know he means a lot to you, but you don’t have to do this. You deserve to be happy too, you know.” She doesn’t know how to express to him how she felt and all the things she realized last night. Robert will have to come to the same realizations himself but until then she couldn’t do anything but to be a friend.

“I’m not mad at you, you know that, right? If you need a friend, I’ll be there to talk. Anyway, I’ll just pick up some stuff. Take care.” Without another word, Mary walks upstairs and packs a small suitcase with clothes and other stuff. Just before she leaves, she walks back to the dresser once more and pulls out a blue sweater from her husband’s pile of identical, neatly stacked sweaters.


	3. Temperantia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little shorter and less eventful. But don't worry it's only the calm before the storm.

# Temperantia

After she left the house, Mary takes the bus to the city. It has been a while since she used public transport but it just feels wrong to take the minivan in this situation. 

The trip takes longer this way and Mary can’t help but be disgusted by the bus seats and the smell of someone eating salami up front. For a moment she wonders if this is what her life will be from now on; without a family and without a prober job. Sure, she works at the animal shelter but that hardly pays since she is mainly a volunteer and only recently started getting some remuneration for all the extra hours and weekend shifts she takes. Maybe it is time for a real job.

The bus stops near the mall and although Mary doesn’t like mall for all the people, the screaming kids and irritating music they play in stores she is determined to get something new, as a compensation for what she lost.

In this moment her phone buzzes. Damien lets he know that he won’t be back until the evening so she has a lot of time to kill. Her first stop is the hair salon. She hasn’t had her hair professionally done in years and today seems like the right day for change.

After an impulsive decision and a little over two hours later Mary inspects her new dark brown pixie cut in the mirror. She looks good and she can’t tell if it is the new hair or the smile on her face that she hasn’t seen in so long. 

Mary uses all her cash to pay for the haircut but notices Joseph’s credit card in her wallet. This could be the chance for her to buy all the things she always wanted but never bought because they were short on money or they had to focus on stuff for the kids. It could be her form of revenge for all the savings Joseph wasted on getting his yacht fixed.

The mall is so much more appealing when you don’t have look at price tags and calculate your budget. Mary walks to the most expensive store and picks out a bunch of outfits. She no longer feels like she needs to dress modestly, in fact she picks the most alluring pieces she can find. After trying on the better part of the store’s inventory she places a pile of red silk and black velvet on the counter but with every piece the shop assistant scans she feels less happy about her choice.

Mary flips the credit card around multiple times. Joseph betrayed her but this is not the time for revenge. He also lost everything last night, maybe she should be the bigger person and leave it to that.  
Without a word, Mary leaves the store. She walks past the foot court and buys a milkshake before she leaves the mall behind. This was never a place she wanted to spend time at to it shouldn’t be the place she spends the first day of her new life at. 

The air is crisp and the afternoon sun gives the town a soft glow and Mary feels good about her decision. She decides to walk to the further bus stop and by the time she arrives there she is not exhausted so she walks to the next on and then the next until after about an hour she arrives back at the cul-de-sac.

She never had the time to go for a walk, in fact the only type of exercise she has had lately were walks to Jim and Kim’s and back. Walking gave her time to think. She doesn’t want revenge; there is no anger in her heart, if anything she feels sorry for Joseph. On her way back to Damien’s she slips the credit card into Joseph’s mailbox.

When she comes back to the manor, Mary is greeted by loud music coming from Lucien’s room. Not what she would have picked but after years of listening to Jimmy Buffet on repeat certainly refreshing.  
She walks to the kitchen and grabs herself a bottle of wine and one of Damien’s fancy goblets because it will make her look more like a vampire and because she can’t find regular wine glasses. Someday she will quit drinking but that is a problem for another day, maybe if she will become happier she won’t feel like drinking so often anymore.

Just as she takes the first sip, Mary’s phone rings.

“Hey, it’s Neil. You have to pick up Robert; I don’t know anyone else to ask. He is freaking out, worse than usual. You know I wouldn’t call if it wasn’t urgent.” After she spent all day focussing on herself and her feelings she didn’t even think about Robert anymore. Mary wonders what happened with him and Joseph after she left.  
“Of course, I’ll be right there.” Mary quickly writes a note to Damien that there was an emergency with Robert so he won’t worry when he comes home and can’t find her.


	4. Fortitudo

# Fortitudo

When Mary arrives at Jim and Kim’s she finds Robert sitting in a booth next to Neil.

“Thank god, you’re here. I had to close the place for tonight, but without you guys I wouldn’t have a lot of business anyway.” Neil gives her a tired smile. He had to sit next to her until Damien came to pick her up just like this before. 

“Of course, what happened here?” The floor feels even stickier than usual and especially around the bar it is covered in shards. Robert just sits there staring at his bleeding hands, not even acknowledging Mary’s presence. He usually drinks a lot but never so much that he would start becoming destructive, at least not until he’s home.

“I don’t know what happened to him, he just came in in a bad mood as usual, drinking a lot as usual. But he didn’t seem so bad at first, killed my Whiskey supplies and hit on some guy. Then he suddenly got angry and I told him that he’s had enough so he just freaked out. Started throwing glasses and stuff, that’s when I called you. Anyway, he’s all yours now.” Robert still doesn’t react to them. Neil goes back to the bar and starts cleaning up the mess and Mary takes his spot in the booth.

“Hey man, are you alright? Would’ve expected more stamina from you, freaking out like this before midnight, what did we train all these years for, huh? Come on, let’s go home.” He gives her a bitter chuckle and quietly follows her out of the bar. After a few minutes of walking Robert starts talking.

“He called me yesterday, you know, after you left. I should’ve said no.” A car drives past them illuminating the sad pair for a moment before they are surrounded by darkness again.

“It will be alright, okay? Let’s get you home and then we can talk tomorrow. Everything will be alright.” A little later they arrive at Robert’s place and Mary helps him out of the dirty clothes that he must have been wearing for days. At this point Robert is even too tired for a sarcastic comment and just crashes into his bed and falls right asleep. 

Mary walks through the messy apartment and sits down on the couch. It feels a bit sticky she’d rather not know why. It is now a few minutes before midnight and Mary decides to give Damien a call and fill him in on the event.

“I found your note, will he be okay?” Damien never really cared for Robert but after years of hearing the stories about him from Mary he started being involved with him a bit.

“Yeah, I freaked out at Jim and Kim’s but he’s sleeping now. I think me leaving Joseph affected him more than I thought. We’ll talk it out tomorrow, so I think I’ll stay here tonight to look after him.”

“Okay, call me when you need anything.” 

After this excitement Mary doesn’t feel like sleeping and the couch doesn’t feel very inviting either so she decides to clean some of the mess up. Cleaning helps her focus when she’s stressed which is mostly the reason why their house was always neat when she lived with Joseph.

Hours later, most of the chaos is overcome. All the bottles and cans are now stored in boxes and bags ready to be thrown away first thing in the morning. The laundry is freshly washed and hangs on the furniture across the apartment since Robert doesn’t seem to own a rack. The rug doesn’t look so filthy anymore and all the vinlys are back on the shelf sorted by year the artist died since Robert once explained that that was the way he used to organize them back when there was a system in his life. 

The couch couldn’t be saved anymore but Mary found some clean sheets in the back of a cabinet and decides that she could probably sleep a few hours if she throws them on there. 

# \---

The next day around noon Mary woke up with an aching back. Lately she starts to notice that her body doesn’t take staying up late and sleeping uncomfortably as well as it used to.

It is still weird not waking up in her bed next to Joseph. Even when he was out sleeping with one of his affairs he usually had the decency to sneak in early in the morning and pretend like he didn’t smell like someone else’s aftershave, and Mary would know since she bought his for him.

Mary decided that it would be best to wake Robert up as well because otherwise he would probably sleep till the evening and that is not exactly a step into the better, happier future she wants him to have. She goes to his room and opens the curtains. While Robert could sleep through all the noise in the world he wakes up as soon as it is bright in his room.

“Leave me alone” Robert throws a pillow at Mary and pulls the blanket over his face.

“Rise and shine, princess. Your friends from the forest are tired of doing your work, they demand better working conditions.” 

“Fuck off” Robert sits up and grabs a bottle of water from under his bed. 

“Put on some clothes and meet me in the kitchen, we have to talk.” Mary leaves him alone. This guy isn’t capable of working his issues out alone so she’ll be there to help him. She goes to the kitchen and makes some coffee. A few minutes later an even more ragged than usual looking Robert wanders in. 

“So what’s with the new haircut?”

“Had to get rid of some stuff that held pulled me down and the two things that bothered me the most happened to be my husband and my hair.” Robert gives her a tired smile. 

“Bother to tell me what yesterday was about?”

“My life is a mess, I am not capable of taking care of myself and I am a disappointment to everyone who ever care about me.”

“Yeah, but you never freaked out like this before.” There is no use being sensitive with this guy. If Mary has learned anything in years of their friendship than that he will take empathy for weakness, probably one of the reasons why he’s always so bitter.

“After you left Joseph called me, didn’t explain what happened, just told me to come over so I did. I promised myself not to do that anymore. He is a selfish asshole and destroys the lives of everyone that comes close to him, but who am I telling this? I know that he’s bad for me and that he doesn’t care about me and yet I keep coming back every time he calls.” Robert takes a sip of his coffee. He has been staring at it while he was talking.

“He can be charming, wouldn’t have married him if there wasn’t something about him. But we don’t deserve to be treated like that, I finally realized that myself.” Mary wishes she could say anything to help him, but there are no words that could make him feel better. He has to learn that for himself. Maybe that’s the thing with toxic relationships like theirs; Joseph made them feel special when it was convenient for them. He came back to her every time, he cried when she left him, but he also kept coming back to Robert, cheated on his wife for him and broke his religious beliefs.

“Val is coming down next tomorrow. I don’t even think I can look her in the eye. She doesn’t deserve a father like me, hell I failed her and I failed Marilyn. My sweet Marilyn, could you imagine her seeing me like this? I just feel like I haven’t been good since she died.”

“Maybe it’s not so bad to spend some time with your kid. She’s a good girl, I’m sure she’ll help you get better. And I’m here for you too if you need me, I even cleaned up your mess so I think that officially makes me your best friend.”

“You’re my only friend.” 

“That doesn’t mean I can’t collect bonus points as an advantage against future competition.” They both smile and for the first time in a while Mary feels like they can improve themselves together.


	5. Fides

# Fides

In the afternoon Mary walks back to Damien’s after promising to come with Robert to pick up Val the next day. She thought it would be best to leave him alone for a little, as much as this man needed help as much did he need his peace and quiet, besides she really wants to shower and change into some clean clothes after sleeping in these the last night.

When she arrives at the manor Lucien is sitting in the kitchen guiding her to the garden where Damien is reading a book. 

“How’s Dorian Grey?” Mary sits down next to Damien on the wooden bench.

“Beautiful and sinful, mostly. How’s Robert?” 

“Same, turns out Joseph called him right after I left and now he feels even more miserable than usual.” Damien puts his book down and Mary smiles at him. It is good to have one emotionally stable person in her life, especially one who lets her live in his house.

“Well at least he seems to be realizing how bad Joseph is for him as well. It makes me angry how Joseph preaches virtue and cares for his community and yet hurts people closest to him.”

“I guess each of us has heaven and hell in him. The thing is I know that he feels bad about this and I know that he tries to make it right but then he makes mistakes and get frustrated with himself. I’ve given up on being angry at him a long time ago.” The garden smells wonderfully fresh and clean and Mary is enjoying the contrast to the smell in Robert’s apartment. 

“Do you forgive him? Because I don’t even know if I can forgive him for all the mornings you showed up at the animal shelter with dark circles and puffy eyes from waiting for him and crying over not knowing where you went wrong. I it made you stronger but I’ve known you when you really loved him. I was there the night before your wedding when you couldn’t stop smiling and kept on telling me how perfect he was. I think he took that romantic innocence from you.” 

“God forgives him and who am I to disagree with God? We learned a lot from each other and we made some good memories along the way but we just don’t work out anymore. Life took my romantic innocence and now I can focus on more important things in life than boys, don’t you think?” Mary is happy to know that Damien cared about her feelings like that, while Robert might be a good friend to rant about Joseph’s mistakes to and drown their feelings with, Damien helps her deal with her emotions by putting them into words, something about that helps her let them go and maybe that is how why she didn’t end up like Robert just yet.

The rest of the day goes by quickly as Mary and Damien talk about everything, just not Joseph anymore. They play a game called “Beggar my Neighbour” which, according to Damien, was very popular in the Victorian era but took Mary a while to understand and had a wonderful vegetarian pie for dinner.

# \---

Sleeping in a real bed definitely improved Mary’s mood in the morning although the effect was sabotaged by the fact that she had to get up at seven to drag Robert out of bed since he most likely won’t be capable of getting up by himself and driving them to the airport to pick up Val.

Mary throws on some jeans and a sweater, she finds it very liberating not to wear skirts anymore and although she’s had no obligation before it just became part of her ritual, part of her old life. She had told Damien that she would be gone for a while so she didn’t have to wake him up and could walk straight to Robert’s place. 

She rings the doorbell a few times before she decides that there is no use and she will have to use the extra key Robert had given her a while ago for emergencies. 

The apartment still looked decent and Robert even seems to have made up the couch for Val to sleep on. He told Mary that she is only staying one night till her connecting flight to California so he offered her to stay with him, he really seems to be trying this time.

After pushing the still not fully awake Robert into his car, Mary drives them to the airport. They still have some time to get coffee before Val arrives so they sit down in a cafe. Although Robert and she have been friends for years now, Mary has only seen her once briefly but she seemed very nice almost so that it made Mary wonder what kind of parent Robert was before his wife’s death.

“I saw you haven’t trashed the place in the few hours I was gone, will we soon experience you as a well-adjusted member of society and ideal father? Will people start calling you Bob?”

“You call me Bob once and I will cut out your tongue. But yeah, I want my little girl to respect me, hope it’s not too late for that.” 

They sit there in comfortable silence for a bit when it’s time to go to the arrivals. Mary hasn’t seen Robert this nervous maybe ever and it is almost adorable. Val walks up to them looking surprisingly fresh for someone who must have gotten up in the middle of the night and spend the last hours travelling.

“Hello Val, did you have a good flight?” Robert is more awkward around her, like he doesn’t know how to act. He never has problems putting on his cool attitude for strangers but with his daughter he is so sweet that it almost seems surreal that he just threatened to cut out someone’s tongue.

Mary drives them back home and they talk about unproblematic things like travelling, the weather and the advantages and disadvantages of living in the suburbs. At one point Val asks Mary about her husband but she only tells her that it’s over but she’d rather not talk about it so she drops it and doesn’t bring it up again. Val doesn’t know much about Joseph other than that he is her father’s best friend’s husband and maybe it’s for the best to keep it that way.

The rest of the day goes pretty well, they have some Right Said Banana Bread at the Coffee Spoon and go to the animal shelter to pet some dogs. In the evening they stay at Robert’s that, for the first time in years, looks comfortable enough to actually want to be at. 

A little after midnight Mary decides that it’s time to go back to Damien’s and Val offers to walk with her to get some fresh air. 

“It’s so nice that you can actually see the stars here, we never see them in New York.” It is a very nice night and the sky is clear and Mary realizes that it has been too long since she had time to stargaze, in fact the last time may have been with Joseph the one time he took her out on his yacht after they were just married.

“It really is nice. I’m glad you came, it means a lot to your father he’s just very bad at expressing his feelings.” 

“That’s something I may have inherited from him, but he seems to be doing better. I hope it stays that way.”

“I will look after him, he’s also been through a rough time but at least we can look after each other now.” The street is dimly lit and somewhere in the distance a cat jumps into a bush; Mary always loved walking around at night, it actually was her favourite part of nights out because everything seems so calm and peaceful. They arrive at Damien’s door.

“Thank you for being such a good friend to my dad. Also, I don’t know what happened between you and your husband but if you want to get away for a while I’m looking for a new assistant and you seem like a good person to work with. I could probably hook you up with a place to stay as well. Let me know what you think before I fly back to New York.” The idea of leaving Maple Bay to live in the city for a while sounded almost romantic. Avoiding Joseph would be nice, at least for a few months. As much as Mary tries to hide it, it does hurt her heart every time she sees him and a little part of her always thinks that maybe they could have made it work.

“That’s a great offer, I’ll think about it. And thank you for today, I think Robert and I both needed this.” With that Mary disappears behind the heavy wooden door.


	6. Spes

# Spes

The next morning over breakfast Damien mentions that he saw Joseph walking out to the mailbox the other day.

“I know it’s no longer your problem, but I think someone should check on him. He looked awful, if not for him maybe do it for the kids.” Damien usually knew the right thing to do and so he is also right with this but Mary doesn’t know if she wants to face Joseph just yet. 

“He didn’t seem to care very much when I left other than that it means more work for him around the house and with the kids, besides I have a shift at the animal shelter later.”

“Suit yourself but I really don’t think that he can take care of himself. I can fill in for you if you want. Or I could come with you to Joseph’s if you don’t want to go by yourself.” Maybe Damien is right and he should help him, after all they have been married for years and she doesn’t hate Joseph. Mary also knows that Joseph isn’t capable of taking care of four kids and a house.

After they finished breakfast and cleared the table Mary decides to go back to her old house. She goes alone as she thinks that this is between her and Joseph and Damien covered her shift at the shelter.  
She stands behind the front door for a few minutes before she rings the doorbell. Her hands are shaking and she can’t tell if it’s from the cold air or her nervousness. After nobody opens the door for a few more minutes Mary decides to open the door with her own key.

The curtains are closed and the house lies in a gloomy darkness in contrast to the usual bright decoration and lighting. Clothes, pizza boxes and empty shandy cans which reminded her a lot of the way Robert’s apartment usually looks. It’s almost impressive that he managed to trash the place like this in so little time.

It takes Mary a few moments to notice that Joseph is lying on the couch; he is not sleeping but just staring at the ceiling as if he hopes that Mary would just leave if he didn’t make a noise. The kids are nowhere to be seen.

“I see life as a bachelor is treating you well.” 

“Did you come to make fun of me?” He sounded weak but Mary felt no compassion for him; he never did when she was on her lowest.

“Actually, I came to see if you’re still alive. The neighbours start complaining about the smell. And I don’t know if you noticed it but the children gave birth to and that you were supposed to look after are not here.”

“Oh yeah, my neatfreak of a neighbour Robert must really be bothered by my lifestyle. But anyway, I am still alive and the kids are at daycare so you can leave me alone now.”

“What is up with you? You cheated before so don’t pretend like the guilt is consuming you and so far the most important thing in your life seemed to be to make everybody believe that you were the perfect goody two-shoes.” 

“What do you want to hear then? I’m sorry! I’m pathetic and I never deserved you. I always meant to do everything right, to make the people like me and to be a good Christian. As you see I failed in every single one of these points.” Joseph finally sits up on the couch and Mary goes to sit next to him.

“Look, I’m really not saying this to make you feel good but you are not as horrible as you think you are. Don’t take this the wrong way, I will never forgive you for wasting the best years of my life and hurting me and Robert over and over again but you are not hopeless. You out of all people should know that God is forgiving. Think of Saul who literally persecuted Christians but became an apostle and dedicated his later life on spreading the word of God. If it makes you feel any better, Robert seems to finally be getting his act together so you don’t have to feel guilty for him anymore and I might be moving to New York soon. You made mistakes, but we forgive you and you should forgive yourself too.” The part of Mary that wanted to yell at Joseph and show him how awful he had been was quiet now.

“I don’t know if I can live with myself like this. Everything I thought I wanted just seems stupid.”

“Hey, at least now you might have time to actually make a trip on that yacht of yours. Anyway, get your shit together you’re killing my reputation. I’ll pick the kids up tonight; call me when you’re accountable again so we can talk about the future.”

She doesn’t wait for him to respond but walks straight out the door. Mary genuinely cares for Joseph to get better, not so much for his sake but for hers. A part of her would always feel responsible for him and she would be better off knowing that he has a nice life somewhere else with someone else than to feel guilty for ruining his life.

After picking up the kids Mary comes back to Damien’s. It feels bad to push her welcome like this but there was no other option, Joseph seemed hardly capable of taking care of himself no chance he could deal with four kids as well.

“Sorry Dames, I promise I’ll find a better solution tomorrow but for tonight they’ll have to stay. You saw the state Joseph’s in.” In that moment Lucien walks into the room and the twins stare at him.

“You know I support your edgy decoration choices, but please tell me the demon kids are gonna stay with the gargoyles in the garden tonight.”

“Please Lucien, they are guests in our home and we will treat them accordingly. I though the oldest one can stay in your room, you will get along just fine.” Mary gives him a sorry smile but Lucien just rolls his eyes and walks away.

All this trouble was really draining and Mary just wanted to fall asleep but there was one more call she wanted to make. Although she tried to be a good mother, Mary thought it would be the best for her kids to get away from her and Joseph for a while. They hadn’t been the best role models before and they would need some time to adjust to the new situation. It would be the best for them to stay in a more peaceful environment and maybe get to know healthy relationships for once.

“Hello Mama, I know I haven’t been calling you enough but I really need to ask you for a favour…”


	7. Caritas

# Caritas

The kids would have a good time at Mary’s mother’s farm, either way it was good for them to get away from Maple Bay and see something else instead of only their fighting parents all of the time.

When Mary walks into the kitchen, there is a letter for her lying on the table. She recognizes both the envelope with the golden crucifix embossing and the handwriting like that of a fourteen year old girl. She walks outside into the garden and sits down among pink carnations to read what her husband could not say to her face.

“Dear Mary,

I suppose this is goodbye and I would like to find the right words to explain myself or apologize but I have a feeling that you already know, you always did. Thank you for the good times we had and for being so good to me, God knows I don’t deserve it. 

When you read this letter, I will be on my yacht heading south. You always said that I run away from my problems but maybe that is just what I need to do. I think I need to get away from Maple Bay for a while to figure out where I want to go and see what the lord has planned for me now.

When I come back we can get a divorce. I even think that we could have our marriage annulled so you can marry before God again. Take your time to think about it.

You can keep the house and any material property we have, I don’t think I will return to Maple Bay after we parted. Maybe I will start over in Mexico. 

Please forgive me or hurting you, I tried to do the right thing but I was selfish and I didn’t see how much my actions affected the people around me.

I wish you all the best, God bless you

Joseph”

Although the situation should be so sad, Mary is relieved to know that Joseph will be away for a while and that he will work on himself. He genuinely wanted to be a good person but we can’t escape the world we were born into and sometimes the words of people who want to protect us hurt us the most.

Mary decides to take a walk through Damien’s wonderful garden when her phone rings. It is an unknown number and Mary thinks twice if she wants to pick up but decides to see who it is anyway.

“Hey Mary, this is Val Small. I’m just calling to check if you have made a decision about coming to New York with me.”

“Oh hello Val, sorry for not calling you earlier, there’s just so much going on you know. Anyway, I thought about it and I think that I will not move away just yet. You know, I got the house and I have my friends here, I think I really grew to love this place. Isn’t that funny? I only moved here because Joseph insisted me move to a nice suburb and I used to hate it but now that he’s gone I realized that it’s the only place I ever felt at home.”

“Don’t worry, I’m happy for you. Look after my dad for me, will you?”

“Of course, we’ll look after each other. Thank you so much for helping me.” With that Mary hangs up the phone. Maybe she should go to Robert’s and see how he is doing. Hopefully he can go out of this as a better person as well.

She walks across the street and uses her key to let herself in. On the kitchen counter she finds an envelope just like the one she got this morning. It is nice to see that Joseph thought of Robert as well, he deserves to get closure as well. Robert is nowhere to be seen and Mary is too curious not to at least have a glimpse at the letter.

“Robert,

You did not deserve me and I’m sorry. I will be gone on my yacht for a while but I figured you wouldn’t want to see me anyway. Regardless, I want to say goodbye, maybe for good.

Maybe if we would have met in a different time and place we could have been happy together, but I’m afraid we missed our shot at that and this is all we get. I want to be honest with you, at least this one time: I think I could have loved you, maybe part of me did, but we could not be and perhaps that’s good.

Forgive me for the time I took from you and that I can never give back; I hope that you find happiness without me. Now there’s nothing left for me but to raise a glass to who we used to be and close this chapter.

Farewell my friend,

Joseph”

“Enjoy reading my mail?” Robert shows up behind her but he does not loo angry.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s fine, I would have showed it to you anyway. I’m glad he thought of me, you know, maybe he is what I needed to realize that I have to change something about myself.”

“I’m happy for you. So what do you want to do now?”

“I’ll go to rehab next week. I know that I can’t go on like this, everybody sees that, but I’m the only one who can make a change. I don’t want to feel like I need a drink in order to do anything properly and I don’t want to be ashamed of myself anymore.”

“That’s great; I wish you all the best.”

With that Mary leaves the apartment and makes her way to her old, new house. She will move back in and start her new life properly, with a temporary home and a job to provide for herself.

Mary is pleased to see that the place looks completely different to yesterday when she visited Joseph, he must have spent the whole night cleaning. 

She spends the rest of the afternoon writing her CV and finding job offers in the area. Maybe she should get something nice for herself as well; she always liked the idea of having an atelier in her house. Tomorrow she will go out and look for decoration and maybe new wallpaper for the kitchen to remove the stinging memory of Joseph that overcomes her with the nautical theme that the house is covered in.

In the evening Mary decides to make something for Damien for being such a wonderful host. Just before the store closed, she buys the ingredients for her famous rum brownies and bakes a fresh batch to take to her friend’s manor. 

"Thank you for having me when I had nowhere else to go, you are a wonderful friend I am so thankful to have people like you in my life. I honestly don’t know if I would have found the courage to leave Joseph without you. I know it’s not much, but I made you some brownies. And know that you are always welcome in my house.” Mary puts the brownie tray on the counter and hugs Damien. This is the beginning of her new life. For it will be better than the last.

After Damien insisted on having Mary over for dinner one last time and they spent the night eating, drinking and laughing, she returns to the now empty house. It feels unfamiliar now, but the silence that Mary hasn’t heard in years is almost therapeutic to her.

She made mistakes in the past and she will make them in the future, but Mary is thankful for the good times and for the lesson she learned along the way. She is happy now, and that is all that counts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally I got to write the last chapter. It was a lot of fun to spend some time with the characters and see how they develop in my story, I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.


End file.
